one sided

I deserve more than your messages 
because you’re lonely 
or because you’re having a bad day 

I used to think it was selfish of me to excuse myself
I’d feel bad
because everyone deserves to have someone to listen

I’m not that for you. 
I deserve more 
I deserve someone to ask me too 
someone there for my good and bad 
and not just theirs

raw and pure

why do we have to hold onto things? 
why can’t we have them as they are,
in the moment? 
raw and pure. 

we parted ways with love
not a romantic everlasting love 
but a love nonetheless 

I’d cry happy tears whenever I thought of you,
whenever I think of you.


and everyone always asks me 
why I never sought you out 
why didn’t we just try?

oh, but why can’t I have the moment for what it is?
what it was?
raw and pure.

I left with a full heart
and my heart is still full
we knew we weren’t a lifelong partnership 
so why would we ruin what we had
those moments we shared?

goodbye

* Sunrise *
I grab your sleepy face 
and kiss you goodbye; 
one last time,
you stir and kiss me back
~
I walk away
~
the beginning and the end 
~
your scent lingers 
in the air
on my body
~
I walk past strangers
hoping they’re you.
I hear your voice,
I turn,
and you’re nowhere to be found 
~
* Moon rise *
I miss the comfort of you 
in the dark of the night 
I stare at the sky
somewhere, you’re here too
a tear runs wet down my cheek
this is where I leave you

permission

some days i wish i had a different name 
one that people would forget 
~
or a different life 
one that people didn’t know a thing about 
~
i’ve done some silly things 
while drowning in alcohol
trying to forget
then scrambling to gather the scattered pieces of me 

i was vulnerable 
and lost
you touched my body
you didn’t even ask
~
i had to yell before you heard me
even then, you didn’t believe me
you wanted me to justify myself
“let’s keep this between us” you stated
~
the memories are still there 
and I just want to forget

lonely road

I forget that sometimes 
it’s one step at a time
one foot in front of the other
a seemingly long (very long) and lonely path
it was
~
and here I am
free
freer than I’ve ever been 
with a full heart 
meeting such incredibly beautiful people.
~
humbled
~
the road doesn’t seem so long and lonely after all

connections

I never trusted myself enough 
“stop seeking and you shall find”
and I was holding onto a hope 
that was never certain –
hope that one day I’d be enough 

every person I met, 
“They might be the one” 
of if it felt wrong within me 
those words you spoke,
“you have to let love in to feel love” 

I stopped searching 
I stopped looking 
I started living
It stopped being
“oh, maybe it’s you?”
I didn’t wait around
and the people I’ve met 
I fell in love with,
connections; life long
not the forever kind of love 
but beautiful people
kind souls
gentle

to leave

sometimes it hits me
like that wave from the depths of the ocean,
I didn’t realise was surfacing
until it crashed against the shore. 

it hurts.
to be around people,
but to feel alone.
you see,
I travelled to the other side of the world,
just my backpack and I,
where not once did I feel alone.
there was always someone
or something
– that was the beauty of it.

I knew returning
wouldn’t be the same
but it wasn’t until I saw
the familiar faces
in familiar places
that I noticed just how alone it was returning. 

Friendships are lost when you leave.
It’s too far,
the time difference is too much;
life is just too different.
but is it? 

I know my values had changed.
I now appreciated deep conversations
but I kept scratching at the surface,
mundane life topics.
I craved conversations that sparked passion.
I appreciated effort,
a two way street
where I found myself driving up the one way only.
I chased change in people
who stayed the same.

maybe that’s the only difference in all of this.
the things that once fuelled me,
didn’t anymore.
maybe the only thing that changed in this familiarity
was me. 

there I go again,
seeking more;
fire, passion and life.
I leave again,
free,
but never once alone ✨ 

i would(n’t)

if i could share you, I would(n’t)
like a rare treasure, a gem
isn’t it lucky to find something so precious? 
something so true to what you believe,
something so natural.

it seems all the questions, disappeared 
and the answers fell into my lap 
when I stumbled upon you.
chance or fate, I’m not sure
but the way our skin brushed against each other
the way your eyes would light up rooms 
the look you’d give me across the table 
the way time slowed down in your presence,
that’s when I knew.

I know we hear it a lot;
to wait.
‘wait until you don’t have to wait anymore’
or ‘you’ll know,’ they say.
and you’ll be waiting, 
almost wishing time away 
wondering if you’ll ever get that feeling
or wondering how you will know.
oh, honey, you will
I just hope you value your worth enough 
to see it through.

you see, 
you deserve this too.