Weeks later and your towel is still in the bathroom, waiting for you. The space where you parked your car, it’s still empty, waiting for you. The wardrobe where your clothes once were, it’s cold and dusty, still empty, waiting for you. That ring that you gave me for my birthday last May, it still sits on my finger, reminding me of you. I know we don’t get to choose what happens in life, and maybe I got caught up in you and all that you were, but I loved you and I still do.
Some things change overnight, just like that, out of our control. Like a click of my fingers and we lost control – I’m shattered glass sprawled across the floor. Your ghost, it follows me everywhere. During the day, and the evening. I stare for too long at couples I don’t know, in places I’ve once been with you. I cry at songs on the radio, that make me think of you. I get lost in places I could walk around with my eyes closed, searching for you. But it’s the worst of a night, tossing and turning, only to awake covered in sweats, stuck in a dream that feels worse than reality.
Most days I feel numb and lifeless. Like I’ve been engulfed by those grey cumulonious clouds and I can’t escape. Like life is moving forward and I’m just stuck here lost in the memories. Inside I feel bitter, like biting into a lemon. My skin has lost colour and my once green eyes, now grey.
I know there is a life without you, I just haven’t found it yet. Where my day is filled with sunshine and rainbows and giggles with my girls. Except, I’m here stuck in the past where I can’t seem to escape. Like a butterfly stuck inside her cacoon. I once had dreams too, to be as colourful as her. And I know I will find myself again one day, I will be that girl where my skin glows like the moon in the night sky, where my hair shines in the sun like a crystal hanging in the window and my eyes they pierce your skin, like the flash of a camera. But for now I’m just coping, surviving, waiting until this too shall pass…