Twenty Three Days Prior

April 19th, 2015.

I wish I could go back. I wish that we could have a re-do, that I could’ve met you when I was 23. Once I had travelled the world and have been that much wiser. I wish that I had seen places that I had only dreamed and finished the studies in which I loved. I wish that I would’ve known what I wanted and who I was, I wish that things didn’t have to be this way. I feel like we were too young and we just threw it all away.

I met you when I was 19 and we were both the life of the party. You taught me how to be a child again, and we made it so much fun. You carried this charisma that I hadn’t seen before and I was so taken in, it was like nothing I had ever felt before. We quickly became a typical teenage cliché. Boy wants girl. Girl makes boy fight. Boy gets girl. But boys like you never went after girls like me. We had issues of our own that we brought to the relationship and this seemed to cause us problems but I still couldn’t believe it – that you were after me!  I fell for your eyes on that first summers morning. They had this bright green sparkle and you seemed to have this glow, but now, two years later they’ve grown tired and dreary much beyond their age.

We should’ve known from the very beginning that you and I, we weren’t meant to be. Times with us, were never easy, we always brought each other such bad luck! You were beaten and you were threatened, yet you were so humble and such a hard egg to crack! You took it in your stride, only to let it eat away at your mind! This became a problem, because a person can only take so much. Without having family or close friends around, I took the fall for many breakdowns beyond my responsibility. Only left to pick up the pieces once you had finally cracked.

Now, it’s Sunday night and everything has changed. I forgot that I even wrote this, that I knew this was coming and twenty-three days later, and just four days after my expected disaster here I am finishing this piece. We called it quits last Wednesday, we just couldn’t continue our lifeless lives any more. I still love you just the same, but I need to love myself more. I wrote you this in hope to help you understand. Thanks for the past two years, but thank you more for letting me go.

Waking from my sleepy daze, I forget that you won’t be there.
The space that was once ours, is now completely bare.

The dust has already begun to settle,
and I’m left feeling as fragile as a petal.

You didn’t say goodbye that morning,
you just packed up and left without any warning.

We never planned for it to be like this,
I just wish I had that last goodbye kiss.

My heart, it still loves you,
but my mind, it knows we’re through.

Maybe one day I’ll see you again,
once we’ve both recovered from this pain.

I hope you find what you’re looking for,
happiness and laughter, memories and much more.

2 thoughts

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