I can’t find the words to express myself lately. I’m a ball of mixed emotions, feeling happiness and overthinking things which leads to restlessness and disappointment. I can’t make up my mind as to how I feel and that in itself frustrates me. I’m not sure why? Why can’t I just feel one thing for a prolonged period of time, rather than five different things?
I made an irrational decision two days ago to return home, and after that it took me over 2.5 hours to shut myself down to find sleep. I was ecastic, my mind would not stop from wanting to plan events already, to wishing I was there soaking up the sun, it did not stop.
During this same time I finally felt grateful for all I have achieved. I’ve never had such a great network of friends and supporters behind me and it’s such a great feeling. I’d never really felt sad to leave, except when I begun my trip (knowing it was something I had to do for myself) I found it hard to leave all of the beautiful people in my life. I didn’t want them to feel like I had neglected nor forgotten them, but at the same time I needed to enjoy myself and my dream. I was torn to say the least.
Although I didn’t enjoy my job, I earned decent money – enough money to live a fruitful life, and still save for my trip. Thinking about it now, I appreciate my job. It wasn’t all that bad and I can’t wait to return. I had beautiful managers who would answer any questions I did have and who trusted me in their stores. I had a beautiful trainer who pushed me to my limits, beyond any limits I had ever dreamed of. It was such a fulfilling experience. And friends, in my 22 years of life, I learned a few lessons and lost a lot of friends, but now I have a small handful of friends I can message whenever about anything and I know they’ll be there. I feel so lucky as I’ve never had anything like this before.
While these last few months weren’t quite as I imagined them, I feel grateful to have had this experience. I’ve never lived in a place so beautiful. There is so much out there, more than we can ever imagine. By the time I leave here, it will have been seven months on the road. Seven months of learning, taking a few steps back to sit back and enjoy my life and all I have, to have a break from my ever so busy life back home and what an amazing time it has been. Europe was by far my favourite, I cannot wait to return. But for now, I am counting down the days until I return. I am enjoying my last few weeks living on the other side of the world before I return back to reality. I cannot wait.