I’m torn.

I’m torn between wanting to talk every day and not wanting to talk ever again.

Between grabbing the phone and calling you, telling you exactly how I feel or not even bothering, because I’m sure you already know. Yet you did nothing about it and neither did I.

Between wanting to ask you to tell me exactly how you feel, but afraid to hear the answer. What if it’s not the answer I want?

Between asking you if I can visit on my way home or just booking the ticket? Would you visit me if you were close by?

Between sitting beside you discussing life or grabbing your hand in the street? Would you allow me?

Between wanting to remember and wanting to forget.

Between feeling everything or nothing at all.

Is this feeling now worth it? It’s so hard. Is it this difficult for you too – the wondering? Someone told me today that I just don’t care, but actually I care too much that it is eating away inside of me.

I’m torn.