to leave

sometimes it hits me
like that wave from the depths of the ocean,
I didn’t realise was surfacing
until it crashed against the shore. 

it hurts.
to be around people,
but to feel alone.
you see,
I travelled to the other side of the world,
just my backpack and I,
where not once did I feel alone.
there was always someone
or something
– that was the beauty of it.

I knew returning
wouldn’t be the same
but it wasn’t until I saw
the familiar faces
in familiar places
that I noticed just how alone it was returning. 

Friendships are lost when you leave.
It’s too far,
the time difference is too much;
life is just too different.
but is it? 

I know my values had changed.
I now appreciated deep conversations
but I kept scratching at the surface,
mundane life topics.
I craved conversations that sparked passion.
I appreciated effort,
a two way street
where I found myself driving up the one way only.
I chased change in people
who stayed the same.

maybe that’s the only difference in all of this.
the things that once fuelled me,
didn’t anymore.
maybe the only thing that changed in this familiarity
was me. 

there I go again,
seeking more;
fire, passion and life.
I leave again,
free,
but never once alone ✨ 

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